"Yes I'm blue, but from holding my breath"

Spanksgiving's over! You know what that means?!?! 

I'll give you a hint: Red Bull, Adderall, and sleep deprivation are all involved. That's right kids, it's almost finals week!

*applause*

I'm already losing it.

I'll post a real entry again one day...

after life lets me out of its chokehold.

Until then good luck with finals, wish me the same.

Or not.

My name is Jordan and I am Passive Aggressive.

To no one.... More like a correlations of things that have been bothering me:

• You're not good looking, you're fat. Get over yourself.
• You're bad at acting happy. Accept that you're not. There's nothing wrong with having a moment of discontent.
• Being nice doesn't mean that I have to like you. It's this thing called being a friend... A damn good one at that.
• I wish you were more clear in your feelings; you keep me on my toes. I don't like being left on my toes, it makes my calves burn.
• Stop lying, I think you're developing a habit of it.
• If I don't text you back it probably means I don't want to talk to you.
• I hate you. I just need to start acting like it.
• Hate is a strong word. In this case, it's necessary.
• You're settling... or do I just tell myself that?
• I wish you would learn to see the quality of life without money. You're too materialistic, you live vicariously through expensive things; it's sad, really.
• You're fading fast. Come back.
• I miss you, I want to make you proud. I desire to be half the woman you've become.
• Don't ever criticize my family again, I'm embarrassed that I didn't say anything.

And to even the score:

• I'm a hypocrite. 
• I lie about stupid things.
• I'm insecure.
• I'm the biggest flake I know.
• I'm horrible at keeping secrets.
• I daydream like it's my job.
• I have awful selective hearing.
• I complain about not doing well in a class when I don't try as hard as I should.
• I'm to blame about a lot of the things I complain about.
• I envy a lot of people for random things.

I'm done being a negative nancy.... Just had to get some of those things out.

ONE MORE CLASS UNTIL BREAK.

This guy....

I'm just a little bit of a Shakespeare buff, I've taken more than just one or two classes on the matter and so I'm proud to say that I can find my way around his plays pretty easily.

Every teacher I've had has been obsessed with a different component in his texts. Some like to study racism, others the environment, and as for my current... well, she's obsessed with sex. Those that I speak to on a regular basis have probably heard me refer to her as the crazy Canadian. As the name implies, she's full blown Canadian. I never had anything against the Canadians. Despite the fact that their pronunciation of a good majority of the english language is annoying and sometimes obnoxious (i.e. crevasse = crevASSe), I never really had a problem with any of them. 

Then again, I had never met a Canadian nationalist. To sum things up in euphemistically, she's a Canadiangelist. Much like an evangelist, except to Canada and not Christianity. 

None of this really has anything to do with the story I'm about to tell except the fact that she's the one who first told it. I, being extremely biased towards everything she says because I really don't care for her, found it to be very out of character for her because it was funny. Then again, it's about sex so I guess it wasn't too far fetched.

King James. We all know who he was. Pretty average guy, was named King of Scotland at the mature age of 13 (months, not years) but most well known for his reign over England. Anywho, I could bore you with his biography but I lack the time and the knowledge.

While discussing the end of Othello my teacher began on a tangent about the consummation of marriage at this time. Turns out, back then, right after the wedding the newlyweds would get in a bed (covered with a curtain) that was present at the ceremony to... well... you know. 

The people present at the ceremony would party around the bed while this was taking place. Well, our friend James was known for sticking his head into the curtain at every wedding he attended to offer words of "encouragement."

I don't know... I just thought it was hilarious to think of this guy:

Popping his head in on such an act.

Writer's Cock Block

Yes, there exists such a thing as writer's cock block.

The fiction writing class I'm in revolves around the workshopping of stories written by us (the students). There's only about 10 of us so over the course of the semester we've all become a pretty tight knit group. A lot of this has to do with the fact that we read and discuss each other's stories which is one of the most personal things a writer can do - allow someone to not only read their piece, but offer raw feedback.

You come to learn your habits when composing a story; some grammatical and others much more complex.

I've found that now that I've become more aware of my own flaws, it's much harder to write. I know where I want to go with the characters and how I want events to play out, but it's the process of smoothly getting there without reverting back to under developed characters/relationships, mistakes in plot, or a sense of absurdity in the character's actions that proves itself a challenge.

Thus, I have writer's cock block. I have been cock blocked by the students in my class. Though it may be for my own benefit and I will become a better writer for it, writing my current story is proving to be a bitch. I need action.

Happy Frappy

I've been stressed lately. Really stressed. I couldn't even begin to tell you why though and believe it or not, I don't think my 2 jobs and upcoming week of creative hell (lots of projects due) has anything to do with it.

I don't want to sound depressed or emo, because it's not like that, but I feel like something is missing. Though everything seems to be going according to plan, something is not right in The World of Jordan. I wish I knew what it was so I could get rid of this anxious pit in my stomach.

I feel like I've been given everything: so many doors have been opening for me and in that sense I couldn't be happier, but it really just goes to show that just like money can't buy happiness, neither can living your dreams.

Happiness is contained within the soul, and in order for it to emerge in your life I believe you must reach a level of consciousness with yourself and the abstract world around you. Nothing secular can bring it to surface, it's spiritual and with that, I've decided to begin to explore the spiritual realm.

I've never been a religious person and don't think I ever will be. There lies an immense difference in religiousness and spirituality, they are not the same thing; thus, I plan to become more spiritual. I'm done ignoring the idea of God just because it's too hard for me to wrap my head around. This is the year I remove the label of being an "agnostic" and search for something to believe in; search for happiness.